Am I Different or Normal?

I have published this with the permission of my  sister Suzanne who is an inspirational individual.  She wrote this several years ago, reflecting on her own experience of living with a disability. Her attitude to life is admirable and we could all learn a few lessons on how to be a very well human being.  Have a read – its fantastic!!

“The Way I See It” by Suzanne Cocks

My life is colourful in so many ways

My external happiness everlasting

But as I sit alone, I ask myself

Who am I?  What am I?

A person alone – thinking, forever wondering ‘What if?’

Content with life, but unsure of the message life portrayed in my creation

Why am I different, or is it that others are different from me?

If only there were answers to my many questions!

But no – my life won’t change, I can only change how I look at life

My mind and body are as one just like yours – aren’t they?

The feelings of loneliness and insecurity are freed by the people physically opposite to myself who make my world ‘normal’

I hear you ask – what is normal?

But to me, normality is what others have and share with me through life’s experiences

Some may see this as denial – a failure to recognise the reality of who I am

I just see it as a way to go forward with my life.

As the years have moved on I have struggled to understand how and why my feelings have altered so much

Protected as a child from people who could damage my emotions – their hidden ignorance I failed to see

As my youth and innocence have disappeared I feel I should now have more control of my feelings and emotions and identify my role in life

I never dreamt these feelings would become more negative.

Instead of dealing with my differences I often try and hide them deep down in my thoughts

But events from day to day forever arouse them to my conscious mind

I am different – I often feel labelled – I am disabled.

I, like you, have an inner body which feels strong but is trapped in a world that is unique to me

In my world I see what you see, feel what you feel but cannot do all the things that you do

I do not wish that I had been created any differently but you have to accept the way I choose to deal with life as it is

I believe I am a better person for the experiences I have endured and am grateful for the opportunity to appreciate life from my point of view

I really hope that the ‘normal’ people I know live life to the full and accept how lucky they are!

They should not waste their time mocking ‘different’ people.

The power-staring eyes I have felt on me have at times been very painful.  Time helps you cope with this situation and makes you realise that, in a positive light, one can teach young eyes that it is okay to be different, thus hopefully improving the outlook and opinions of the younger generation.

As for the older eyes – well…. I’m just sorry their lives have existed in such ignorance – they don’t know what they have missed!

I have not just written this to help me personally but in the hope that people can try and see how my mind works

It may not be the same as the next ‘different’ person sees it but is unique to me

Who knows what the future will bring – all I know is that I am dealing with life one day at a time and at present could not be happier!

The following words from a prayer have inspired me to get on with life:-

‘Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.’

One day I hope to match up to these words and be forever happy!!!

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